The Federal Republic of Tesco Aisle 17 is a huge, orderly nation, notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, public floggings, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 662 million Tesconians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Garden City. The average income tax rate is 35.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Tesconian economy, worth 69.3 trillion Meal Deals a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 104,738 Meal Deals, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace, the SWAT team always rings twice, school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel, and shady doctors seem to have impeccable records. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tesco Aisle 17's national animal is the Clubcard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Tesco Aisle 17 is ranked 27,733^rd in the world and 1,061^st in The North Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 83 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.